Shell Malaysia scholarship~~!!!
ah~~~!!

wokay...
despite the failure 2 years ago, i gav it another try for this scholarship using my diploma + spm results...

and there it goes...
de core of the problems and headaches... fuh~~~~

first phase of selection...
the screening of all applicants' achievements, participation, bla bla bla.. all the written lame stuff as usual...
i got passed thru tat and received calls tat i will be going thru the second phase.. which is the telephone interview!!

trust me..
tat was the first time in my life encountering such interview style..
it freaked me out thou...
After all the preparation, waiting, fighting with my nervous brain cells, the 1 hour fon interview was finally a pressure off-board in my head...
ah~

2 days ago...
the first reaction when i read the reply from Shell in my mail was.. "OH YES!!!"
de second thoughts overcame the first one instantly, "Oh damn it...~~"

I got thru the fon interview as well...
but...
the third phase will be de face -to-face interview!!

This tues...
10.45am-5.30pm!
Headquarters of Shell, KL..
n... "Please report urself to the admin before 6.45am on the day"
6.45am??!!
KL!!
i shud be awake at.. 4.00am???!!
*faint~~~~ faint~~~

to get myself clear of wat will happen next..
i googled about the past years selection process...
"Shell Recruitment Day" is wat they called it...
and none of the passage i read about this process indicates tat this is an easy go...
5 out of 5 blogs tat i googled on, failed the selection..
i wonder if there's actually a 'survivor'...
haih...

to make things worst...
it's my final next week~~!
I need more time!! more more time!

this is squeezing my brain juices out of me slowly n surely...
n i noe... i will be meeting a bunch of super smart and active people there...
to be de survivor of all, ask me... i am giving myself a 0%......

anyway.. anyhow... i have already struggled thru yesterday nite...
i WILL be there for it!
*the whole process for the JPA scholarship selection is replaying itself in my memory...
it was a nightmare~~!
haih.............
haih.........

taking in a deep deep breath......
heee....huuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~~~~~~

I find myself behaving like a walking-dead-meat for de past few days.....

i wonder where's jane~~?

alcohol loves me too much...
i couldnt find any more efficient ways to overcome my pain n heartache.......

i'm not in control of my actions n my LIFE..........

wat de hell is wrong right now??~!

i'm too exhausted to handle anymore shits.. yet.. they are still coming with piles and piles suffocating me....

wokay...

i had my precious car banged yesterday....

n de story continues with....
a series of crying scence...
police station...
arguements...
n de great day ended with tears flooding my bed...

waking up 2day with 2 big panda eyes waiting for me to feel de consequences of 'too much tears flow'...

thanks to de 2 malay b*tches...
my NEW borned baby was damaged in just split seconds..

not only i have to bare with de damages...
right now... their accusation and blame are getting on my way...

everything was just so obvious tat their motorbike hit on my car...
on the wrong lane and with their stupidity... it was f*cking their fault...

as we noe...
we are in a country full of pigs...
having authority who is also a bunch of their kind, ntg much i can do with all these matter evolved...

the game has just started...
many more to deal in days to come...

i'll be receiving calls from de bunch of pigs to get back there and help on their "so-called" investigations...
everyone knew from de beginning.. chances for me to fight and win this is equals to ZERO...
too bad tat i'm not a pig rite...
ops..
i mean I AM GLAD THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING M*L*Y PIG...!
ASSHOLE!

i shud just stop crying and learn to deal with this...
i might face charges where i will lose my license...
and i definitely hav to pay for all de damages caused...
jane~~ jane~~
chill and take it easy la ya...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

to the person who hav regretted to be a part of my life...
i wish tat tis will end everything...
full stop~~~!



life sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dilemma~~!!

should i? shouldnt i????

ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

found a job...

found a room...

everything is off to go...

all i need now is a GREEN light from myself...

i'm in de yellow light where i can choose to put a full stop to being a part in my family...or i can put everything down, forgive n forget...

wat should i do now???

this is a decision which will turn my life upside down...

i...

i...

i...

i hav no idea wat to do now~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i hav already been thru few emotional days...

mentioning the matter will only turn my tears flow on...

a special thanks to u for being wit me these few days!

u noe who u are... lol..

anyway...anyhow...

i'm standing back on my feet to continue my journey...

whether or not to move out...

lets just pray de best for wat is about to come!!

*edited previous post..

no more misunderstanding pliz...

Handling these matters one after another isn't fun!

i'm so worn out tat i wan to be totally ALONE~

i felt as thou i've lost all de precious things in my life in just days...
this week sucks to de extreme!

whether or not it's a misunderstanding... it doesn't matter anymore...
* if it is... my apologies to u & u & u & u
even if it is me tat u are referring to, i choose to let things down...
u are right... 10 years doesnt come easily...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

n to the 'she' who i've faced since i opened my eyes to de world...
ur words hav torn me into pieces...
ntg else can hurt me more than how u did...

"i dont belong to this family"...

mum... u hurt me 'well' enuf..



Again... i chose to leave...
running...avoiding... hiding... from all hurtful things...

i wish i could dissapear~~

i shoudnt exist in de 1st place~!