To the person who I treasure... Grandma

A tough lady who has lived for almost a century...
Came all the way from China with her husband..
Formed a family..
Raised 10 children who are all with definite success in life right now..
I am pretty sure she has done her job well as a mum..
It is 10 individuals that we are talking about.!

The challenges she faced throughout her life are just beyond words...

She is all I have in my childhood memory..
I knew her before I even recognised who my parents were...
For the first 7 years all my life... she was there for every single part...
Makan, Tidur,, Belajar, Main..
She was the best companion eva..!

yet.. YET...
I have been such an useless granddaughter..
I never bother to get her involved for the following growing process of my life..
From few times a month..
to once a few months..
to few times a year..
to now.. hardly twice a year..!
Hell ya... I only met her for once or at most thrice a YEAR!
DAMN!
JANE TAN.. u are such an ASSHOLE!!!

Dad and mum were away for trip this weekend..
I was back in Klang, where we got to know that grandma is sick...
Bro and I brought her to the clinic for some oxygen intake...
Doctor was not with a "small matter"face..
He advised us to get her admitted if her condition remains the next day...
 From her non stop coughing.. hands on her chest indicating pain.. sleepless nites..
I wish I could bring her to the hospital immediately..

She is always the anti-hospital type of character..

She always refuses when we talked about medication and stuff..

For times, I almost burst out into tears when we had conversation..
"Y didnt I just follow ur grandfather 4 years back?"
"Y am I still alive??"
dot dot dot...
There were tears in her eyes that I can see pain and suffer...
Grandma... How can I do to at least reduce ur pain??
Please... I want to do something so badly...
Yet.... wat can I do now?

We brought her back home...
Bro was off to melacca for work...
I was back there the next day to check her out..
Dad arranged for the admittance in hospital via phone calls, and I was supposed to bring her there

Again, she refused..
She never like to step in the hospital...
She cried.. she begged at me.. She held my hands so tight tat she  is so keen to stay at home...
From being so determined that I MUST bring her to the hospital, to...she won over me..
Her tears won over... Her stubborness won over...
Uncles and aunts were by the side persuading...persuading and persuading..
I wish I could just tell them... Can u please let her stay at home??? She wants to  be at home so badly.. Just let her be! please~~ Stop forcing her...
But... I know.. she needs medication...

Dad.. can u come back ASAP?
I couldnt take this any longer...
U can persuade her... U can!

I cried! cried like a baby once I stepped into the car..
With bro in the car.. with dad on the fon...
I just couldnt hold it back anymore...

"Y am i still alive??"

Grandma oh grandma....!!
I treasure u so much that I myself didnt realise....

There is nothing I can do for the time I lost..
I was wrong! I was so Wroong!!!