Am i a true failure??
i hate myself for being myself....!




Grandma got admitted into de hosp tis morning...
she fell in de toilet n got he fragile bone cracked....

If u noe jane...
u must hav knew how grandma is to her...

"person tat influence u de most"
"person tat u admire de most"
"person tat u love n respect de most"
all these essay titles sound familiar to most of us i believe...
lame ques to get during secondary skool life...

believe it o not...
there's only one person i talked n wrote about...

my Ah ma.....
a person who i live with for at least 8 years...
a person who was de first closest 1 i get along with...
a person who i hug n sleep with for my 7 or 8 years of childhood...
a person....
de list will take me foreva to finish................


just came back visiting her in de hosp...
i am sad yet angry...........
sad to see how much she is goin thru...
de pain physically n mentally...

ANGRY for me... us... for being such useless son.. grandchildren... n family.........
an simple action...
buy a new n bigger base tongkat instead of her unstable 1 tat she was using...
it is just simply taking few min of our time....
get one from de pharmacy for her....

So many of us in de family... y none of us can take de initiative to get tat for her...
talk... blame.... simply pointless rite...
she is 86...
she is old...
she is weak...
n when accident happened...
"i shud hav bought de thing for her earlier.."
"i shud hav...."

BULLSHIT!!!!!

yes... i am angry!...
angry of him... angry of her....
n me MYSELF!...
we are enjoying life like nobody's business...
buy this.. buy tat...
go here... go there....
did anyone actually think of how she is suffering....
an old woman who just lost her partner...
children... grandchildren... who are all bz with their lives...
spending her time by waiting for de time to pass.....
...........
.......
.......


if u could see how she spend her time daily...
if u could see how she is suffering when dealing with simple things like walk... stand up after a long sit... goin to de toilet.....etc...
if u could sit down n listen to her life time experience....
if u got de chance to look into her eyes... hold her hands.....

u would understand how i feel rite now....


i was holding back my tears in de ward...
dun dare to look into her eyes....
i had to burst out in silence in de car.....
i noe i am over-reacting....
but when times tat i think tat she might leave us one day...
nothing else but tears..............

i hav more to continue...
it's betta i stop thinking too much....
she will be goin for operation 2moro morning....
whoeva prays.....
pray for her!....