Asking for transfer? Is it a big mistake of mine?? I wonder......

It has been a mess since I sent that email..
Words went up to HR director.. To my immediate bosses.. To seniors around...
And hell ya... U bet that I have not have any peace moments in office since then..

Human is meant to be selfish...
The concerns of those unrelated personnel.. be it colleagues, bosses, or seniors...
Their intentions are always a big question mark to me...
Who on earth in a working environment will care wats going on with u, unless they are indirectly being dragged into the problem loop n affecting their benefits some way somehow..
So pliz..... Just go away n stop bothering me if u are just trying to cover own shit..

It was a mismatch from the start for me to be in this position..
I struggled hard n finally decided to voice out for a better scope of work
Yes.. Along the way.. Ppl call me a lady with guts.. Or silly young fresh grad...
Do u think i give a damn?
I just wan a better path n better learning platform..
As I said earlier.. No one is responsible for ur future but u yourself!

I just wan to get over with all these mess...
It's really beyond my control.. Whether or not to leave.. It's up to how management wants me to be..
I did my part n pliz just leave me alone...
I was advised that to survive in such big corporation like this... U have to talk to the right people at the right place at the right time..
People approaching me trying hard to be the so called right people is really kind of u guys..
But enuf is enuf.. ! Give me a break la wei..........

Hey frenz..
Opportunity dun come knocking on ur door. Start doing something to be build who u wanna be!

It has been a while since my last appearance here.

Life.... Ntg is ever easy (for me).

Been thru lots these few months..  Laughter n tears...
Trust me... Being Jane is very tiring....

You may say... U will live happier if u ask for less n live as it is..
And you know wat.. I call tat "Bullshit"..
I am aggressive? Or mildly aggressive as wat I was told? Like to be the center of attention? Nvr hav enuf of wat I have?
Hey n hey..... Isn't tat who Jane is all these while??
Giving myself  all these excuses to slow down is wat coward does.. N hell ya... I am not.
How can u even move on n improve when u are fully satisfied with who u are??

I am responsible for my own future. Appreciate anyone's advise n critics along the way.
But please bear in mind... You can give ur comments at this moment and turn around forget bout it the next moment.. You are not going to walk my life for me.
So... Whether or not I fight for wat I want... Tats my concern n responsibility.

Of all those messed up thing tat happened n still going on... One thing I am very glad...
I have you to be with me along the journey. Please stay close becoz I do not know when is the next strike again... Thanks for your patience n love!

Simple is always cool huh....
I need a getaway.....

Jane oh Jane...

Where are u?

Interface Engineer??

Bullshit....................................................

A body without a soul

End of the Honeymoon period....

Back to track back to real life....

Taiwan backpacking trip was a SUCCESS!

Another tick off my to-do-list...

Travelling alone was not as easy as it looks..

There were so so SO many things to learn along the journey..

They are just beyond words which you really have to have the guts to experience them urself.

I see life... I see how ppl live in simplicity... how ppl can be connected sincerely.. dot dot dot..

Of coz, I thank dad for his support and trust. Though there were tonnes of worries, the complete trust he gave made him the coolest dad EVER!

Well.... another person worth mentioning...

I thank you for all these!

When everyone around underestimated me.. discouraged me... even called me a nuts to backpack alone..

It was you! You who trust n knew I can accept this challenge and take up ur dare. You who continuously build up those positive thoughts when ppl around wanted me to call it off... 

Again...
I know you are the right one...

I dun need someone who pampered me like a queen or someone who listen and be controlled..

Someone who helps me to improve.. someone who wants  me to be a better person.. someone who is never afraid to criticize.. someone who can guide me when I am on the verge of making a decision..

Thanks !

Another great weekend getaway to Langkawi.

Off to Taiwan for a week!!

First backpack trip...
Here I come~!

Finally its over!!!!

Holiday time!!!

It has been almost a year since we first met...

Yup... A colourful year I would say...

From strangers, we became colleagues, frenz with nvr ending conversation, couple.... to complete stranger again... 

and yeah.. very glad that we can still hold on to a simple yet complicated frenship.. 

The past few days with you around were just great with lotsa fun and laughter.. 

Guess it has been quite sometime since i put on the smile. 

Movie.. bowling.. pool.. darts... sing k.... food.. dessert and dessert...

It was like squeezing all the activities we missed out in the past months... Tiring yet.. how can it be any better...

Well.... fior now, we are two free individuals who choose to explore around with no commitment to each other.  Single but unavailable! yup tat says it all.

Nvr stop myself from getting to know new ppl... exploring the "market" out there...

It is not about finding a backup plan like wat u always say... 

It is about exploring others which shows how significant and irreplaceable you are... 

You are just someone who I hate n love the most at the same time. 

I miss you.............

It's the final week of studies in UNMC!
There goes my 3 years of uni life here...
Complicated feelings that i have no idea where to start from.

Bz weeks ahead...
two reports submission
one viva
fyp presentation
two papers
pack and move out!

>>>>>>>

I understand the feelings u are going thru right now..
Not being able to be there is indeed depressing...

yet...

being too pessimist is really silly..
yeah.. emotions are hard to be controlled at these times...
Keeping everything to urself.. isolating ur ownself.... ?
U pushed it off when ppl tried to reach out for u over n over again...
one thing u forget along the way...
U forget others have emotions too when u are immersed in ur own world.
too selfish to even have the thought of leaving this place.
I... really tak faham.....


emotionally exhausted...........

Current aim...

Graduate graduate graduate!

And I am up to a very interesting hobby recently.. Body building!

Been very active in weight lifting and intensive training...

The feelings after those workout are just beyond words.. 

painful and exhausted physically.. yet the adrenalin rush makes u stronger!

Well... of coz.... there are results for hardwork.

I see my biceps.. my triceps.... the curve! love it! ops...

Yup.. I want more!..

not gonna train to the muscular lady look...

Just wan to gain more strength and feel better!

I love my body! ops......... :)

Confident? over-confident?

It is nvr easy to build certain level of believe on own ability..
Yet.. to underestimate urself too often is NVR a good practice..

Learn to express ur thoughts well in public...
Learn how to socialize in a more.... er.. in electronics term.. i would say.. "user-friendly"..
Learn to communicate with others with more respect...
Learn to be differentiate ppl's comment.. a compliment... a critic.. or even a joke...
Learn to stay low and listen...
Learn to filter words from others and judge them with own thinking..  not just accept and digest!
Learn to love urself n know where u stand
Learn to be confident enuf to fight for ur right and know ur personality well...

one important note... the beauty cant bring u far and long...
the brain.. the personality..  the charisma... THEY DO!

Nvr look down on urself!
Yet.. learn to respect others not just becoz u have a certain criteria in life..
respect becoz u want to be treated the same and be happy ...

The close ones in life are always there no matter how each of us lead our lives...

:):):)

从来没想过
不能再和你牵手
委屈时候
没有你
陪着我心痛

一切都是我
太过骄纵
以为你会懂
一直忘了说
我有多感动

我知道你还是爱着我
虽然
分开的理由
我们都已接受

你知道我会有多难过
所以
即使到最后
还微笑着
要我加油

我知道你还放不下我
才会
在离开时
闭着眼没有回头

我们都知道彼此心中
其实
这份爱没停过

曾经完整幸福的梦
在脑海里头
我多希望你
还在我左右

答应你
我会好好过
不让
这些眼泪白流

Feeling dumb feeling stupid...

When u crossed the line which was drawn so clearly... the only thing to do is.. slap urself!

Sometimes...
I envy.. I really do....

The feeling of being protected, being pampered like princess of his life, being concerned of 24-7...
To have someone who nvr use to word "give up" on you, it is really a privilege and a bonus in life..

There are these two very interesting characters appeared in my life recently..
Well, definitely worth mention as I do learn something from my observation and got to know bit of their stories. Yes, I really salute them, not becoz they are very successful man in life, but becoz they dare to love.

Me? The man who will do all these for me without a doubt... He is none other than the old man at home, Daddy... A dad is always a daughter's first love. This is so true.. I want a man who can be as caring as him, who can support without doubting u, who can love u more than himself, who never boast about his ability and the only thing he will boast about non stop is you...
The list goes on...

Being happy is very simple. Lead a life that you want, let go when it's really time to move on...

"Giving up doesn’t  mean you’re weak; sometimes it simply means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go and grow"

Happy birthday to my dearest!!

You have been such a great travelling companion in the past one year!

To and fro.. all the journey to uni.. to work.. travel around..
U have nvr fail me in any way.. ** hopefully not any soon... ops..
The ups and down.. the laughter and tears.. the personal sing k session..
I appreciate.. really appreciate to have this buddy.. this hubby?..

Again... Happy one year old!!

wuahahahahah!

Thanks.. i know it's a bit insane...

Tats how much I love him.. Mr white!.. Mr "ah him" by TAL...!

Travelling like a backpacker?

yup! It will be another tick off the to-do-list..

I was crazy enuf to wake up one morning and bought a flight tic to Taiwan..
This time.. it will be all by myself :) :)

It is not about proving someone wrong or other silly reasons....

I need to leave and explore things out there... alone...?
I need to find who Jane really is?

Things have been going up and down that I am so tired of being around for no reason...

Time to finish what is about to end, charge myself up before entering the next phase of life!

心病终须心药治 解铃还须系铃人。。

I go for a faster and more efficient way of getting the answer i want...

A "no" is good enuf....

I am a happy and confident gal as always... :)

Counting down two weeks to the submission! yeap! i am good to go...!
Another two projects and reports to work on.
yeah.. lets end this with flying colours..

Next up...
Trip n trip n trip....!
Lose weight...
Earn money...
Be happy:):):):):)

Enuf is enuf??

I fought for wat I think worth my time. It is nvr a lose of pride.
At least there is no regret for the failure.

Yeah... we did wat we  could. Or it reaches my limit?

Our future? ?
I dun think so...
A last chance tried n given. Wrong respond wrong answer.
It hurts n it hurts badly...
someone who no longer care who no longer concern, don worth any shit from me.
A question of how are u will not cause your one minus mark in ur work.
I dun understand.. I really don...

Yeah tats it.
Wrap it up.

He is just another passer by who should not appear in my life then, now, time to come.

Jane tan! U have got to STAND!!

不知是祸还是福.......

I guess everything falls from the latter to the former...

It was a mistake from the start?

A wrong timing?

A bad decision?

A risky move which shouldnt have been made in the first place when i foresee all these...

I fell hard this time.. real hard...

trying many ways to find myself...

cover the pain with fun n laughter

yet... I couldnt........couldnt...............................................................

everything comes back when there is no one around...

Tears in front of them make me look so silly...

siblings were freaked out..

daddy knocking on my door...

mummy does wat she does best...

I cant stand back up straight again......

Tats wat I ask for... nvr run nvr avoid...

clear all the doubts all the questions...

I dun hate u.. not at all..

For all the heartache.. all the tears...

I thank u for the lessons u gave me..

"Jane.... You have got to Learn how to enjoy life. Your personality will bring you far, but, do not let others take u for granted. Enjoy living at the moment is important. When you have achieved wateva u aimed for, u look back n realised that you have forgotten to live for yourself. Regret is too late by den........ I see my younger self in you."

That was from Dr N.


I was so speechless by the time she finished.

Learn how to enjoy life???

Hmm... there are just so many thoughts on this statement...

Thou she only saw the one side of Jane... But... she is right in a way..
I have my own entertainment, I have my own way of releasing the frustration and pressure..
Do i really enjoy them?? or I am just plainly putting smile to my face?
Fuh.....
The pressure is so bad that I start hiding my feelings.
Assuming everything is fine is how I get over it?

Her friendly advice is really one wake up call..
I do not want to live to the age of 50 and realised that I have nothing but money and status.

LEARN TO LIVE FOR URSELF!

Ups and downs..

Laughter and tears..

Hope and disappointment..

Ur presence in my life for the past few months is like a roller- coaster ride..

No one is to be blamed for any failure of the relationship.

That's wat life is all about..

Accept the failures and move on... learn from mistakes?

There are certain things I am firm and I hold on to my principle..

The good intention is appreciated..

But yeah.. 

I guess I choose to keep my words

The drama of family issues from both sides..

Misunderstanding of certain individual...**I doubt that...

dot dot dot..

There are too many ppl.. too many unnecessary things involved..

I got to make a choice

For that...

I choose to leave a LDR

I choose to leave the future conflicts with ppl that are real pain in the a*s..

I choose to live with my own ability and belief in myself..

I choose none of both and move on.........

"Single bell.. Single bell...Single always...."

Tats from her...

***Touchwood~~! :):)

命运就算颠沛流离
命运就算曲折离奇
命运就算恐吓着你做人没趣味
别流泪 心酸 更不应舍弃

一生之中兜兜转转 那会看清楚
旁徨时我也试过独坐一角像是没协助
在某年 那幼小的我
跌倒过几多几多落泪在雨夜滂沱

一生之中弯弯曲曲我也要走过

Time oh time...

Guess there will be one point of time that I realize you are no longer a part..

Complicated feelings that are beyond words...

U know I know.. we all know....

Distance is definitely a killer..

a "virtual" relationship?

Haha....*sarcastic one

"Long distance" relationship??

 

Remember the proposal? Hmm... Here we go..

We shall see what happens next..  

The self-claimed.. demanding Jane... How long can she handle it?? 

leaving the question there with a.. Hmm........

Things happened.. Things changed....

Looking back at it...Half a year ago... 

How did it break.. and how did fate bring ppl together..

Had enuf of words behind my back..

Jane knows wat is best for her.. full stop....

Exam was tough.. FYP is still proceeding like a pain in the ass...

FUH~~~~

Holidays are the only thing I look forward to...

The only light I see in the long dark tunnel?

I want I want holiday!!

First exam of the year...
Again..
A bad start~!
fuh.....

First class honours??
So near yet so far....
It is getting further n further away from me...
sigh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How bad is it to graduate without a first class?

Lower salary...
Status and face problem...
Family's expectation...
and the most important thing...
JANE CANT FACE HERSELF!

gosh~~

The pressure is so bad that it affects many parts of my life..
Ppl around are sick of my emotions..
I wish I could just hide away from these...

17/4/2014!

Damn... I want this day to come fast!

Help me~~ Support me~~
I need to breathe... deep deep breath.... hu... heee....
:(
Days are so dark ahead...

Law of attraction?
yea.. shud stay positive!

stay alive...
Keep moving..
keep pushing......